Tuesday 27 November 2012

Racing down the aisle...Literally!


I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and i thought to write down my thoughts on our conversation. The conversation was about relationships and marriages. This tends to be a recurring topic and i totally understand as people are getting to the age where they've actively started thinking about the future. The topic  was..how long should people date before they get married?. We had different opinions about this but one thing that really stood out to me was when she said 'if you have found the one you are supposed to be with then why wait?'.. funny enough i always see this statement in the comment section of a lot of blogs which obviously means a lot of women feel this way.

I say, if you have REALLY found the one then what the heck are you rushing for? you might as well do a 100 meter race down the aisle if you are in such a hurry. I think people see marriage as part of a 'to do list' and they really need to tick that box fast before losing all their chances of finding a husband. Is there not more to life than racing down the aisle? why cant women enjoy the journey of a relationship? why cant they savor each stage..and grow in complete harmony with their spouse? whats the rush for? i do realize that you can never really know a person completely but i also know that once you know the core qualities of your partner then that's a solid foundation as often, the core hardly changes..its the attributes surrounding the core that changes with time, circumstances, age etc. what i realize is a lot of people hardly learn the core qualities of their partner..they are too caught up with whats on the surface which sadly, is more susceptible to change. People rarely change their core and that's what makes them who they are. That is why i do not believe people change (the core not the surface), unless of course by divine intervention.

 Let me explain this further using very simplified Virology . The flu virus for example  has a core and an envelope. on the surface of the envelope it has receptors that bind to its host and that's how it gets into the system to cause infection. The reason people get flu all the time even though they may have had the infection before or they may have had a flu jab is because the virus always changes its surface antigens. it changes it because it doesn't want your immune system to recognize it and get rid of it so its a different infection each time because of the new surface. The core however which contains RNA does not change.This is what helps the virus multiply in your cell. this is important for its survival so therefore its impossible for you to see this organism swap its RNA. That's the way i see humans. Their core is who they are and who they are used to being and 'change', albeit possible in rare cases, would be very difficult.

The point of all this is when you rush into a marriage its impossible for you to ascertain an individuals core attributes or values. If you ignore the core and concentrate on whats on the outside alone eg good job, house, car, degree, social status, family name e.t.c then you are in for a long ride. I think its better to use the time you date/court to learn your partners core because if both core attributes clash, it will be very difficult to have a successful relationship.

But hey, you don't  have to listen to a virus obsessed individual...just take a look at current divorce rates amongst young people in Nigeria and perhaps that will do the trick :)


Saturday 24 November 2012

Mi casa


After spending a few months in Swaziland this year, i really got into South African house music. I also got into Kwaito music but that's a blog entry for another day. So..there was a music festival called 'Bush fire' which was sponsored by MTN. It was such an amazing experience and a lot of people came from neighbouring countries like South Africa, Monzambique, Zambia e.t.c. The highlight for me was when Mi casa got on stage. Mi casa is a house band based in Johannesburg and consists of 3 members, Dr Duda (Producer) and pianist, Jsomething (Vocalist and guitarist), and Mo-T (trumpeter). The band was formed in 2011. I love the soulful house and jazz sound and i am currently listening to ' heaven sent'. Have a listen :).




Saturday 17 November 2012

Everyday Male Chauvinism


It has come to my realisation that often men dont understand that being chauvinistic has terrible consequences. In societies where cultural norms allow for it to persist, its usually always has detrimental effects on women and also on the relationships they have with the men. In Nigeria, the society condones chauvinism in all forms and usually when a woman speaks up against it she is called a 'feminist'. i think its important for people to analyse situations objectively without any sentiments attached. If you want a happy relationship then its important that you also have to create an environment that will foster happiness. Written below is part of a research paper by two men, Luis Bonino and Péter Szil on male chauvinism. They stress that all extreme forms of violence against women always starts with everyday male chauvinism and works itself up the pyramid as time goes on. So for example, if your partner has already started abusing you verbally (including name calling, or anything that may hurt your feelings), then he is two steps away from a push and you are 5 steps away from getting your bones broken. of course this could happen in the span of 10 years. What i found interesting is the way psychologists map the presence of male chauvinism in a woman's life. According to them, when a woman feels very bad without even knowing why she feels that way... that's the starting point. (she doesnt know because she herself does not recognise the effect of male chauvinism. (if you cant recognise that something has an effect on you then you will be oblivious to it)

Continue to read below... 



The various forms of violence against women are possible to display in many forms. Either as gradual and sometimes not clearly separable shades of a continuous scale or, as in the figure provided, as levels of a pyramid or iceberg. Everyday male chauvinism is the starting point of this scale, or the basis of the pyramid—the soil on which other forms of gender based violence thrive. 

The practices that I call everyday male chauvinism various authors (Miller, Bourdieu, Glick, Castanéda, etc.) call various names: small tyranny, intimate terrorism, “soft,” “weak” or “lowintensity” violence, domination tricks, invisible male chauvinism or benevolent sexism. The more unacceptable “brutal” violence becomes as a form of domination, the more these practices become men’s most commonly used weapons, tricks, traps through which they create the same dominance with “civilised” means. This way, these constitute the largest part of the repertoire of male behaviours against women.


The effect of everyday male chauvinism 

The various manifestations of everyday male chauvinism seem insignificant and banal when taken separately. Their significance lies in the fact that if the woman does not recognise them in time and does not do something against them (and some times years pass before that happens, if ever) their compound and repeated use creates a more or less poisonous atmosphere that undermines women’s life energy, psychic and intellectual equilibrium and autonomy. This is how everyday male chauvinism creates the conditions of women being continuously at the disposal of men.  One reason for the effectiveness of everyday male chauvinism is that it is almost absolutely invisible. This is how it can do insidious and continuous harm to women’s lives, which is only aggravated as time passes. Because women are facing actions that are not obviously abusive or coercive, they have difficulty recognising them and that is exactly why it is difficult to address them. Most of the time, they are not even aware of their effects, thus when they sense the harmful effects, they do not recognise that  they result from the manipulative manoeuvres. The first step in mapping everyday male chauvinism was when the professionals who were helping women asked themselves the question: why do so many 
women feel bad without being able to say why? 




The effect of everyday male chauvinism on women 

For some women, irrespective of their personal characteristics, the manifestations of everyday male chauvinism causes effects that are similar to those of the more severe brutal forms of abuse, they are only lower in intensity. Here are some examples of the consequences, which affect women’s quality of life on various levels, but always adversely:  Overburdens the woman physically and psychically, deprives her of the emotional supplies that she could use to satisfy her own needs and for her own sustenance.  Decreases the woman’s personal power, slows down her personal growth, limits her freedom and increasingly elicits ineffective self-defence reactions such as complaining, which can only increase with time if no change takes place in their causes.  Inhibits the woman’s intellectual capacities, courage, abilities of effective criticism, protest, thinking and action and so makes the woman incapable of working out  and implementing her own life-plan.  Decreases the woman’s self-esteem and credence before herself. Because of the growing dejection and insecurity, the woman feels incompetent, a loser, emotionally detached and helpless.  Causes undefined discontentment and chronic irritation. The woman feels she has had enough of the relationship although “she has no reason” to feel so.  Women blame themselves for this feeling because they are not aware of its origin. The effect of everyday male chauvinism on relationships The manoeuvres of everyday male chauvinism have the following effects on relationships:  An unequal, antidemocratic and badly working relationship comes about where the man’s self-determination and personal growth is realised at the expense of the woman’s.  Step by step, the man’s interests are focused on in the relationship. In the wake of the manoeuvres of everyday male chauvinism, women often leave everything up to the man for whom it becomes even easier to influence situations the way he likes.  As soon as the woman demands changes in the relationship and the man is reluctant to move towards equality in exercising the rights, or when the woman is forced to complain ineffectively, which the man will not listen to, the deterioration or crisis of the relationship will be considered the woman’s sin. Women often sense that something is not working right in the relationship but men deny this. The deterioration of the relationship usually comes from the lack of equality, to which everyday male chauvinism contributes largely. However, if this reason cannot be pointed out, the woman will blame herself as she has been socialised to do so in learning the female role. The man, on the other hand, who does not consider himself an everyday male chauvinist, will not feel responsible for the situation and will seem innocent.  Living together without discussion and cooperation turns the relationship into a battlefield of “cold war” where the woman lives in constant stress. The emptying out of the relationship gives rise to further power abuses and break-up. 





Sunday 11 November 2012

Where Children Sleep

I love Photography that tells a thousand tales especially if the aim is to support a cause. The book of photographs 'Where children sleep' by James  Mollison's  has to do with children's rights. Mollison hopes his photographs will encourage children think about inequality as it compares children all over the world and the places where they sleep. I think this is a very good initiative and i also think adults need to be reminded of inequality...even though i am not entirely sure inequality can ever disappear from this world we live in.

James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep
James Mollison - Where Children Sleep

Thursday 8 November 2012

A beauty invention that i do not understand...

LACE FRONT WIGS!!!

Like seriously...why?  Even  beyonce looks weird with it. It just DOES NOT look real..the fake hairline honestly freaks me out. why does anyone think this is beautiful? Or isnt that the reason women visit the salon? to look beautiful? Unless of course the whole idea is to look like a drag queen then yeah..lots of progress in that regard. There is just something ghetto about it. No offense but it scares me. Someone thought it was a good idea to make lace fronts for children. I question parenting skills these days...sigh!








There is nothing wrong with fixing weaves or wearing wigs but when its reached the point where there are brands for children then that's when people have to have a rethink. People get bored of one look so its fine to change it up occasionally but i do not believe it should be at the expense of your own natural hair. It would be lovely if black women on TV wore their real hair more often so that the younger generation will understand that it is very okay to be seen out with natural hair. Another disturbing fact is that the people making lots of money in the black hair industry are not even black. They are Asians. If the money was going back into the black community, creating jobs etc then maybe...just maybe it can be justified. What i see is a bunch of people making loads of money off other peoples insecurities. And now these women pass on these insecurities to their children and it becomes a vicious cycle of destroying ourselves just to fit into other peoples ideals of beauty. Quite sad really.

No further comment. :'(

Pixie




The last time i cut my hair was when i was in Boarding school.Ever since, cutting my hair has never really crossed my mind. Lately, i have started liking hair cuts all over again.I like the way it frames the face and highlight strong features that long hair often conceals. I have always loved Audrey Hepburn and to me she epitomizes style and elegance and clearly still influences style today...quite frankly only legends are able to do that. Her pixie haircut has clearly influenced so many celebrities and these are my favourites at the moment.








i love these celebrities so perhaps i am a tad bias. Whatever the case, i absolutely adore their hairstyles...now if only i could put a scissors through my hair....if only.

Wednesday 7 November 2012

ADA...The Igbo first daughter




I have been learning a lot about my culture this past year. Living in England makes it difficult for me to learn as much as i'd like to but when i get the opportunity, i never let it pass me by. Today i learnt about the many roles of a first daughter (Ada) in Igbo  land. One of the roles of an Ada which i found rather interesting is this:

When a man dies without a male child, the Ada does not get married. She stays back and selects lovers with whom she cohabits to beget children on behalf of her dead father. The children thus raised will take over her fathers property but most importantly, the children will continue the fathers name. This is how important a male child is in Igbo culture. Without a male child, a mans last name will become extinct as all the female children will get married and bear their husbands last name.

This tradition is no longer practiced by the way. This used to happen decades ago..although i will not be surprised if this still happens in some rural parts of Igbo land. I guess modernization has helped a lot..and so a lot of archaic practices are extinct. Whats all the fuss about a male child anyway? Society is a very interesting human construct. 

Saturday 3 November 2012

When Men age gracefully...

DENZEL WASHINGTON

 I probably watched him on TV before i could barely talk Lol. Yes! i watched a LOT of TV growing up as a child and the movies those days made a lot of sense compared to the rubbish people churn out these days. Anyway i digress. So DENZEL....from Mo' better blues to Malcolm X to devil in a blue dress to the Pelican brief to Crimson tide to the preachers wife to the Bone collector, Manchurian candidate etc you get the drift..i am a HUGE fan...Still digressing... The main point of this post is dude is ageing gracefully. He is definitely looking more handsome with age which is interesting as he's always looked handsome in every decade. I guess being married to one woman for so long and being truly happy does help. Happiness is definitely an ingredient for ageing gracefully. If you want to age well...then be in the pursuit of happiness..whatever that may mean to you as happiness is very subjective. Check him out..GQ fresh..YUM!!! :)




:) xxx

Thursday 1 November 2012

Right now i am watching...

DOWNTON ABBEY



I am a sucker for anything brit. Im sorry...i just cant help it. I love british movies, sitcoms, series, shows, plays etc. Right now i am always glued to the telly once downton abbey comes on. I love all the cast and the vintage fashion on there is really orgasmic. TRUST ME!!!.....you should give this show a try sometime if you haven't already done so. I will definitely be buying the box set at HMV once the series is over. Maggie Smith is my absolute favourite. I love her sarcasm and wit. Here are her best 10 moments below. The line i find the funniest is no 6 where she said ' why does everyday involve a fight with an american' buhahaha..so true.. Enjoy!






In this clip, i found the 'musing on class' and ' change-averse' pretty hilarious




xxx

Photography, Styling and Fashion

I own a professional camera which i bought when i was living in Thailand. Since then photography has been a huge part of my life. I have done photo shoots for fashion brands which i am absolutely happy with. I dont think i am that great at it or a professional photographer, however, i dont think i am that terrible either. I enjoy it so much especially as i love fashion and its a great way to spend my free time :)

LITERATI

This is a fashion brand that sells awesome tee shirts. Check out their website at http://www.iamliterati.com/ and on asos @ https://marketplace.asos.com/boutique/literati-clothing :)








I styled the models too..:) for more shots visit their website.


La Maison Vintage
I took photos for a new vintage brand called La Maison Vintage. Vintage pieces are sold on their blog via http://la-maison-vintage.blogspot.co.uk/ visit them someday :)





Styling and photography by yours truly..  :) more shots here http://la-maison-vintage.blogspot.co.uk/
Thanks to my amazing friend debby for being an awesome model :)

xxx

Terrible photo + Lovely vintage top

It was my birthday last month and i had an awesome time with my lovely friends. i was going to do a post on what i wore but i was so excited that day i forgot to take proper pictures of my outfit. This is all i could dig up. This blouse is a Vintage blouse i bought...those that know me know i LOVE vintage so much. Infact 'ive always said i was born in the wrong decade. From clothes to antiques to films to music to posters...love them all. Here is the not so great photo...The lighting is quite annoying really..


Gold and orange..with yellow suede pumps (not shown). This photo is a really terrible one...but i love this top..and love vintage so much i had to post this up :)

xxx