It has come to my realisation that often men dont understand that being chauvinistic has terrible consequences. In societies where cultural norms allow for it to persist, its usually always has detrimental effects on women and also on the relationships they have with the men. In Nigeria, the society condones chauvinism in all forms and usually when a woman speaks up against it she is called a 'feminist'. i think its important for people to analyse situations objectively without any sentiments attached. If you want a happy relationship then its important that you also have to create an environment that will foster happiness. Written below is part of a research paper by two men, Luis Bonino and Péter Szil on male chauvinism. They stress that all extreme forms of violence against women always starts with everyday male chauvinism and works itself up the pyramid as time goes on. So for example, if your partner has already started abusing you verbally (including name calling, or anything that may hurt your feelings), then he is two steps away from a push and you are 5 steps away from getting your bones broken. of course this could happen in the span of 10 years. What i found interesting is the way psychologists map the presence of male chauvinism in a woman's life. According to them, when a woman feels very bad without even knowing why she feels that way... that's the starting point. (she doesnt know because she herself does not recognise the effect of male chauvinism. (if you cant recognise that something has an effect on you then you will be oblivious to it)
Continue to read below...
The various forms of violence against women are possible to display in many forms. Either as gradual and sometimes not clearly separable shades of a continuous scale or, as in the figure provided, as levels of a pyramid or iceberg. Everyday male chauvinism is the starting point of this scale, or the basis of the pyramid—the soil on which other forms of gender based violence thrive.
The practices that I call everyday male chauvinism various authors (Miller, Bourdieu, Glick, Castanéda, etc.) call various names: small tyranny, intimate terrorism, “soft,” “weak” or “lowintensity” violence, domination tricks, invisible male chauvinism or benevolent sexism. The more unacceptable “brutal” violence becomes as a form of domination, the more these practices become men’s most commonly used weapons, tricks, traps through which they create the same dominance with “civilised” means. This way, these constitute the largest part of the repertoire of male behaviours against women.
The effect of everyday male chauvinism
The various manifestations of everyday male chauvinism seem insignificant and banal when taken separately. Their significance lies in the fact that if the woman does not recognise them in time and does not do something against them (and some times years pass before that happens, if ever) their compound and repeated use creates a more or less poisonous atmosphere that undermines women’s life energy, psychic and intellectual equilibrium and autonomy. This is how everyday male chauvinism creates the conditions of women being continuously at the disposal of men. One reason for the effectiveness of everyday male chauvinism is that it is almost absolutely invisible. This is how it can do insidious and continuous harm to women’s lives, which is only aggravated as time passes. Because women are facing actions that are not obviously abusive or coercive, they have difficulty recognising them and that is exactly why it is difficult to address them. Most of the time, they are not even aware of their effects, thus when they sense the harmful effects, they do not recognise that they result from the manipulative manoeuvres. The first step in mapping everyday male chauvinism was when the professionals who were helping women asked themselves the question: why do so many
women feel bad without being able to say why?
The effect of everyday male chauvinism on women
For some women, irrespective of their personal characteristics, the manifestations of everyday male chauvinism causes effects that are similar to those of the more severe brutal forms of abuse, they are only lower in intensity. Here are some examples of the consequences, which affect women’s quality of life on various levels, but always adversely: Overburdens the woman physically and psychically, deprives her of the emotional supplies that she could use to satisfy her own needs and for her own sustenance. Decreases the woman’s personal power, slows down her personal growth, limits her freedom and increasingly elicits ineffective self-defence reactions such as complaining, which can only increase with time if no change takes place in their causes. Inhibits the woman’s intellectual capacities, courage, abilities of effective criticism, protest, thinking and action and so makes the woman incapable of working out and implementing her own life-plan. Decreases the woman’s self-esteem and credence before herself. Because of the growing dejection and insecurity, the woman feels incompetent, a loser, emotionally detached and helpless. Causes undefined discontentment and chronic irritation. The woman feels she has had enough of the relationship although “she has no reason” to feel so. Women blame themselves for this feeling because they are not aware of its origin. The effect of everyday male chauvinism on relationships The manoeuvres of everyday male chauvinism have the following effects on relationships: An unequal, antidemocratic and badly working relationship comes about where the man’s self-determination and personal growth is realised at the expense of the woman’s. Step by step, the man’s interests are focused on in the relationship. In the wake of the manoeuvres of everyday male chauvinism, women often leave everything up to the man for whom it becomes even easier to influence situations the way he likes. As soon as the woman demands changes in the relationship and the man is reluctant to move towards equality in exercising the rights, or when the woman is forced to complain ineffectively, which the man will not listen to, the deterioration or crisis of the relationship will be considered the woman’s sin. Women often sense that something is not working right in the relationship but men deny this. The deterioration of the relationship usually comes from the lack of equality, to which everyday male chauvinism contributes largely. However, if this reason cannot be pointed out, the woman will blame herself as she has been socialised to do so in learning the female role. The man, on the other hand, who does not consider himself an everyday male chauvinist, will not feel responsible for the situation and will seem innocent. Living together without discussion and cooperation turns the relationship into a battlefield of “cold war” where the woman lives in constant stress. The emptying out of the relationship gives rise to further power abuses and break-up.
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