Much ado about Valentines day

I never minded celebrating valentines day in previous years but these days i find it quite annoying. Over the years i have realised that i get very bored of repetitiveness..which in itself is very interesting because i am very change averse. A few years ago couples celebrated valentines day in their own privacy but with the advent of social media, it has become more like a reality TV series. In my opinion, this makes it unoriginal and more scripted. I do understand that nowadays people do enjoy scripted reality shows but when it comes to ones personal life i find that a tad disturbing. 

I missed those days when us girls would have Valentine dates and then recount the excitement we felt the following day. We would have sleep overs, manicure/ pedicure  in our Pjs and then talk about the day before with so much laughter and screams in the air. Today, one is flooded with information of valentine shenanigans through social media, without a choice of deciding if one wants all the juicy details or not. 

Another thing that is very apparent is how 'Valentine' is just a ploy by capitalist to cash in. I am not convinced that the man in my life should show me how much he loves me on one designated day. I need him to show me this everyday.. i demand that this be the case. This is the major reason why i am not so keen on valentines day...because id rather be sent presents, chocolates and flowers on random days just because. If the man i am dating waits till only Valentine day to spoil me i would be very upset. So you can imagine my confusion when i see lots of girls getting excited over being swept off their feet once a year. ONCE A YEAR? ( and maybe birthdays?)..that's not a love language anyone should be excited about. So ladies, if your man sweeps you off your feet once or twice a year..i am sending hugs your way darling you need it. Whatever you choose to do today please enjoy. For some of us it would be business as usual :)

PS: little gestures can also be romantic and can sweep a lady off her feet. Your man does not have to buy you stuff to show you he loves you. Although if he did that would be great :D

xoxo

GS

Love in the time of Sickle cell

In a lot of African countries where sickle cell is endemic, you will find that people who are carriers of sickle cell have love relationships with other carriers and these relationships generally do lead to marriage. A few decades ago, this was attested to scientific ignorance, meaning people didnt understand the scientific basis and devastating outcome of their choices. So couples who fell in love and got married ended up having children with sickle cell trait. Today, with so much scientific knowledge out there, should these issues still exist? I'd say no...but they actually still do.

I heard about a couple who are both AS and are still forging on to get married. Whilst love is a beautiful thing, i dont think people should play russian roullette with their kids lives. Scientifically, If two sickle cell carriers get married (AS and AS), the genotype of their children will be (AA, AS, AS, SS). So, there is a one in four chance of getting an SS child. But if the couple getting married is AS and SS, then 2 out of every 4 kids would have the sickle cell (SS) trait and the gentoypes will be  (AS, AS, SS, SS). All this is based on chance and frankly it doesn't happen in this order. its possible to even have more sickle cell kids than what the scientific crosses suggest.

You will find that in Nigeria, people that get married with this genetic trait fall into two categories. 1) people that have absolutely no clue what sickle cell is and 2) people that base their decisions on having faith and being a christian and believing that God will not let them have an SS child.  The former can be excused especially in rural areas of the country where health information rarely reaches communities, but the latter is inexcusable. This is similar to someone knowing they are HIV positive but decides not to take anti-retroviral drugs based on faith. One thing happens with these patients ..Death!. Whilst having faith is great, we need to be more informed and realistic about certain decisions.

I feel we need to be more responsible in making health decisions especially when it affects out future. Its unfair bringing in children into the world that will end up suffering. In a country where the health system isnt up to par and the economy is so terrible, the cost of taking care of a sickle cell child will be high especially for lower income families. The emotional and mental burden on both the child and members of the family will be very daunting.

So when next you meet someone new, dont forget to ask ''hey, whats your genotype?''.

For more informative health messages like this please visit my health website at www.africanhealthmagazine.com

Racing down the aisle...Literally!

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and i thought to write down my thoughts on our conversation. The conversation was about relationships and marriages. This tends to be a recurring topic and i totally understand as people are getting to the age where they've actively started thinking about the future. The topic  was..how long should people date before they get married?. We had different opinions about this but one thing that really stood out to me was when she said 'if you have found the one you are supposed to be with then why wait?'.. funny enough i always see this statement in the comment section of a lot of blogs which obviously means a lot of women feel this way.

I say, if you have REALLY found the one then what the heck are you rushing for? you might as well do a 100 meter race down the aisle if you are in such a hurry. I think people see marriage as part of a 'to do list' and they really need to tick that box fast before losing all their chances of finding a husband. Is there not more to life than racing down the aisle? why cant women enjoy the journey of a relationship? why cant they savor each stage..and grow in complete harmony with their spouse? whats the rush for? i do realize that you can never really know a person completely but i also know that once you know the core qualities of your partner then that's a solid foundation as often, the core hardly changes..its the attributes surrounding the core that changes with time, circumstances, age etc. what i realize is a lot of people hardly learn the core qualities of their partner..they are too caught up with whats on the surface which sadly, is more susceptible to change. People rarely change their core and that's what makes them who they are. That is why i do not believe people change (the core not the surface), unless of course by divine intervention.

 Let me explain this further using very simplified Virology . The flu virus for example  has a core and an envelope. on the surface of the envelope it has receptors that bind to its host and that's how it gets into the system to cause infection. The reason people get flu all the time even though they may have had the infection before or they may have had a flu jab is because the virus always changes its surface antigens. it changes it because it doesn't want your immune system to recognize it and get rid of it so its a different infection each time because of the new surface. The core however which contains RNA does not change.This is what helps the virus multiply in your cell. this is important for its survival so therefore its impossible for you to see this organism swap its RNA. That's the way i see humans. Their core is who they are and who they are used to being and 'change', albeit possible in rare cases, would be very difficult.

The point of all this is when you rush into a marriage its impossible for you to ascertain an individuals core attributes or values. If you ignore the core and concentrate on whats on the outside alone eg good job, house, car, degree, social status, family name e.t.c then you are in for a long ride. I think its better to use the time you date/court to learn your partners core because if both core attributes clash, it will be very difficult to have a successful relationship.

But hey, you don't  have to listen to a virus obsessed individual...just take a look at current divorce rates amongst young people in Nigeria and perhaps that will do the trick :)

Why did i get married too?

I just watched Tyler Perry's 'why did i get married too' for like the 8th time and each time, i get very emotional. The movie highlights the fact that life is indeed too short to let little things get in the way of having a lovely life. The movie made me reflect on relationships these days and how people let ego, pride, impatience, lies, deceit, jealousy, greed e.t.c get in the way of truly finding happiness. I feel a lot of young people are honestly too impatient to even understand basic and fundamental concepts needed for a true, loving and lasting relationship. If you don't agree all you have to do is look at the current divorce rates..surely there has to be a problem, no?

There are so many reasons why people get married but whatever these reasons are, it should stand the test of time. If it does not, it will be tough to survive trials and tribulations which is a part of life everyone goes through. People get married for the wrong reasons and eventually, these reasons reflect in their relationships. One thing that is true though is the grass is not always greener on the other side.

If you haven't watched this movie i highly recommend it. Brilliant performance by all actors :)

Enjoy!

The Art of Repackaging

The business of getting married is a very serious one. It is probably more serious than the Biafra war that took place in the late 60s.  The desperation to get married has definitely allowed a lot of young women express creative genes they never knew existed. This is sheer proof that humanity will do things to adapt to their environment and so this is not too far from Darwin’s theory of evolution. In Nigeria, this jungle is chaotic and its all about survival of the fittest in the race to get married. One of the creative expressions that always amuses me is the art of repackaging. I have a definition. Allow me:

The art of repackaging is an unspoken rule which states that a Nigerian woman who has had a very dodgy past, becomes this new creation solely by changing certain attributes on the exterior and pretends what is seen on the outside is also what is on the inside.

The characteristics of such a woman includes:

Withholding sex: Yes! She has spent most of her teenage and university years giving guys free milk and realised a lot of them didn’t want to buy the cow. So she decides to hold off sex with the guy she desperately wants to marry all because she wants him to think she is a good girl with principles. This usually never happens with men in the same circle. This woman is smart as she finds a new crowd to socialise in. Some women take it a step further by breaking all old ties and making new friends while some others drastically reduce association with old friends just so they save face. A lot of men always fall for this trick and why they do is a different story entirely.

Church/choir girl: lets face it, rebranding always works. Image has an effect in this world we live in. This is why even though we all know kim kardashian is a slut who got popular through a sex tape, she has become one of the most googled personalities in modern time. Why is this? Rebranding rebranding rebranding. She has been rebranded from sex video slut to a reality TV star. She shows us exactly what she wants us to think of her on her show and steps out in outfits that will be talked about and dates men that will always keep her relevant. What all this has done is slowly made people look at her more as a business woman/TV star/Fashionista/Model than a slut with a sex tape.

Yeah..this same analogy applies to the repackaged church girl. Soon you will all forget her philandering ways and go on about how she is a bible reading, tongues speaking , dedicated Christian youth leader.

Submissive:  she will let you think she is the most submissive woman in the world. She will cook, clean, never argue and hardly put up a fight, let you get away with things, never nag you etc. These women are smart and if they can fake an orgasm and make you believe it, heck!  They can fake just about anything.  

After she gets what she wants (marriage)..this woman will become her true self. Men always think women change after marriage. No mate, she didn’t change. Neither did she morph into this monster you see every day. She had always been that way.  She only ‘repackaged’ to get you where she wants you. Now if only you spent a lot of time deciphering her true personality.