Truth Hurts

I was watching my favourite show on BET, 'the game' and this song started playing in the background. I had no clue who the artist was but thanks to good old Google, i found out. The well written lyrics and lovely voice got me hooked. After a few replays, the lyrics got me thinking. In the song, Katlynn sings about refusing to believe the truth of the infidelity of her beau and preferring a lie to that reality.

This got me thinking about a lot of relationships today in Nigeria where some women would rather turn a blind eye to the infidelity of their partner. Some women  really prefer not to know the truth because they probably feel what they do not know wouldn't hurt them. I really cannot understand why a person would rather live a lie. I would rather know the truth and get hurt. Pain is not always a bad thing. Sometimes one needs pain to grow. Getting hurt would ensure the same mistakes are not made again and would allow for one to make better choices next time. Of course, there are some women who go through the same experiences over and over again without learning. Generally, people should not see getting hurt as the end of the world. I'd rather get hurt than live a lie with a cheating man. Women need to know and understand that they deserve better. They really do.

Even though i dont quite agree with 'living a lie', i honestly do enjoy the song. This is the effect of raw talent which cannot be denied.

xoxo

DON'T BE A NICKEL OUT HERE LOOKING FOR A DIME

Be the person you want to find. Don't be a nickel here looking for a dime.

Truer words have never been said. This statement reminds me of people who demand that which they are not and people who ask for things they cannot give in a relationship. The only way to know who you truly are and to know what you can give in a relationship is by taking the first step called HONESTY. Lying to everyone else cannot be as bad as lying to yourself. That my friend is more destructive. Look yourself in the mirror and figure out who the person looking right back at you is. Once that bit is sorted, the journey to self discovery may not be as bad as you think.

Sometimes we hear people say, ''they deserve each other''. Whether that's in a good or bad way, it is true. Just as you attract who you are, you marry who you deserve (except of course you have been forced into marriage or betrothed, then that is a completely different issue).

We all dream of marrying a prince or princess and living ''happily ever after''. You know, someone who is charming, and makes all our dreams come true. Someone who is kind, loving, caring and puts us first in everything. Someone who is hardworking, faithful, loyal and honest. Someone who will catch a grenade for us..Literally! That sounds great doesn't it? Of course it does.

But how can we expect all of these amazing traits from another human being when we ourselves do not possess them? why should we think that any one this amazing should settle for us? is it honestly fair for this amazing being to end up with someone who cannot offer them that which they are, that which they have worked hard to preserved all these years?

Fact is, you have to be who you are looking to find. Don't be a nickel out here looking for a dime.

Its not going to happen. You will not find this ''perfect'' person with all these amazing traits and somehow metamorphosize into those things yourself. Why would they, in all their 'perfection' want you anyway? If you want people like that then you have to be like them, NOW!

For example...

If i want a hardworking and honest man, then i have to be hardworking and honest.
If i want someone who is kind and caring, then i have to also be kind and caring.
If i want a God fearing man, then i have to be God fearing.

Its unfair for anyone to end up with what they do not deserve and sometimes this situation does happen. this is why it is important to learn to listen to that voice within and to tell yourself the truth always...because most times when he punches you in the face...you knew all along he was that type of person..but you just ignored. Now you feel trapped and the worst part is, you have no one to talk to because all your life, you told yourself a lie..unfortunately, that LIE includes the people you call friends.


xoxo

All about the Clique

I have a hypothesis that i am willing to share. Like i have stated, it is a hypothesis which means its by no means a fact and so people need to bear that in mind before reading on. It is however something i believe in hence my opinion. Its about girls that are a part of a clique especially those that have been in a clique since secondary school. People that are in a clique do not often have a mind of their own. they spend their time thinking of what others think of them and their actions are often centred around doing things deemed acceptable by the clique.

The problem with being in a clique is it does not allow you have your own identity. You basically do things your other mates are doing except of course you are the queen bee, which means you set the rules for the other girls to follow. These kind of girls are clones of each other in so many ways. They have the same opinions, values, e.t.c When they are in a relationship with a boyfriend, its never dating one person but the whole crew. There is no privacy here as relationship advice (solicited /unsolicited)  come from her mates and a lot of the time she does what her friends tell her to do which may not always be a good thing. Sadly, this type of behaviour could carry on even in old age.

The bit that is very destructive is when envy or  jealousy kicks in which usually does. These girls bitch behind each others backs and majority of the time, these friendships are very pretentious. They know this but feel the need to stick with each other to face the world...which i think shines light on their insecurities. Having a successful relationship when you are very cliquey is a bit of a challenge..and when you manage to have one, it is often very difficult for the other party involved.

The interesting thing about all this is the competition. It never stops. The competition spans all facets of life..from university to the married home..from the choices of schools your kids/future kids attend to if/where you holiday in the summer. This type of pressure surely must be daunting. It would be interesting to do a lifetime analysis on these women to see how they fair.

This of course, doesnt mean that if a woman wasnt part of a clique that she will have an identity. But, more often, if a woman spends a lot of time with herself then theres a lot of time for reflection and all. if she decides to do things her own way and makes her own mistakes and learns from it, she is more likely to learn more about herself as oppose to if her judgement is clouded all the time by the constant chatter of her ever growing circle. Just a thought.

Science Inspiration

Its really lovely to have women in science be a source of inspiration especially in Africa. I look forward to finding more women like this and i hope that one day i will be a source of inspiration to young women around the world :)

Professor Tebello Nyokong is a researcher of a ground-breaking cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Born in 1951 in Lesotho, this South African Professor has achieved international acclaim for her groundbreaking work in harnessing light for cancer therapy and environmental clean-ups. She is currently undertaking research on a new cancer diagnosis and treatment methodology called ‘photo-dynamic therapy’, which is intended as an alternative to chemotherapy.Through her international reputation, Professor Nyokong has contributed considerably to enhancing the reputation of South African science. Many international scientists have been drawn by her work to visit South Africa, and her laboratory has hosted postdoctoral candidates from around the world.

In 2009 Professor Nyokong won the Africa-Arab State L’Oréal-Unesco Award for Women in Science and was named by UNESCO as one of the world’s top five exceptional women scientists.In addition to working on photo-dynamic therapy, Professor Tebello Nyokong, continues to train chemists, particularly women, in the skills needed to keep South Africa at the cutting edge of scientific development.

“I work very hard and do not give up easily even when things are tough. I tend to take setbacks in my life as a way of working even harder. I actually get challenged by doing the ‘impossible.” 

xoxo

Racing down the aisle...Literally!

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and i thought to write down my thoughts on our conversation. The conversation was about relationships and marriages. This tends to be a recurring topic and i totally understand as people are getting to the age where they've actively started thinking about the future. The topic  was..how long should people date before they get married?. We had different opinions about this but one thing that really stood out to me was when she said 'if you have found the one you are supposed to be with then why wait?'.. funny enough i always see this statement in the comment section of a lot of blogs which obviously means a lot of women feel this way.

I say, if you have REALLY found the one then what the heck are you rushing for? you might as well do a 100 meter race down the aisle if you are in such a hurry. I think people see marriage as part of a 'to do list' and they really need to tick that box fast before losing all their chances of finding a husband. Is there not more to life than racing down the aisle? why cant women enjoy the journey of a relationship? why cant they savor each stage..and grow in complete harmony with their spouse? whats the rush for? i do realize that you can never really know a person completely but i also know that once you know the core qualities of your partner then that's a solid foundation as often, the core hardly changes..its the attributes surrounding the core that changes with time, circumstances, age etc. what i realize is a lot of people hardly learn the core qualities of their partner..they are too caught up with whats on the surface which sadly, is more susceptible to change. People rarely change their core and that's what makes them who they are. That is why i do not believe people change (the core not the surface), unless of course by divine intervention.

 Let me explain this further using very simplified Virology . The flu virus for example  has a core and an envelope. on the surface of the envelope it has receptors that bind to its host and that's how it gets into the system to cause infection. The reason people get flu all the time even though they may have had the infection before or they may have had a flu jab is because the virus always changes its surface antigens. it changes it because it doesn't want your immune system to recognize it and get rid of it so its a different infection each time because of the new surface. The core however which contains RNA does not change.This is what helps the virus multiply in your cell. this is important for its survival so therefore its impossible for you to see this organism swap its RNA. That's the way i see humans. Their core is who they are and who they are used to being and 'change', albeit possible in rare cases, would be very difficult.

The point of all this is when you rush into a marriage its impossible for you to ascertain an individuals core attributes or values. If you ignore the core and concentrate on whats on the outside alone eg good job, house, car, degree, social status, family name e.t.c then you are in for a long ride. I think its better to use the time you date/court to learn your partners core because if both core attributes clash, it will be very difficult to have a successful relationship.

But hey, you don't  have to listen to a virus obsessed individual...just take a look at current divorce rates amongst young people in Nigeria and perhaps that will do the trick :)

Getting Women into Science?

This Video by the EU commission was made to get more girls interested in science and pursue careers in science. The campaign is called 'Science: its a girl thing'.  After watching the video, i honestly feel the message they passed across just might piss off female scientists out there.  I also do not think it gives young girls an idea of the reality of science. It seemed more like a make up campaign or a fashion campaign of some sort. If i was a teenager i doubt this video would get my attention.The continuous use of colour pink might really piss me off as i hated pink as a child and i am very sure loads of other teens do too. I give the EU an 'A' for effort but the message passed on by this video was honestly a disaster.

Chivalry is dead and Nigerian women killed it

Chivalry is dead I say…and Nigerian women killed it. You might be wondering why I feel this way, please allow me recount an incident which I know is a common occurrence in today’s society.

Recently, one of my bootilicious friends gave a presentation to a company committee made up of men in their 50s and early 60s. Her presentation was met with positivity as well as stares at her assets rather than at the slides she used to pitch her proposal. As she left the building, one of the committee members sent his very educated female personal assistant to catch up with her to ask for her number as he was interested in making her his mistress. She narrated this story to me with complete normalcy and was taken aback by the shock and disbelief on my face.

I said stuttering: “H-o-w? Has he no shame?”

Her response was: “Babe, its normal.”

“Normal? NORMAL?!” I responded in a raised voice. At this point I lowered my voice so as not to continue the scene that had already been created in the café.

When did it become okay for married men to chase after girls their daughter’s age? When did all this become normal? Why does a married man feel so comfortable chasing after a young woman as though he is entitled to do so?  So I say again, chivalry is dead, but who died first—the gentleman or the lady? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? What are the implications on society of this kind of behaviour? The moral question and the chain reaction it causes must be understood and answered for our generation to move forward. It all starts with US, ‘US’ being my fellow women.

Our society’s moral decay has been catalyzed by the materialistic twist our generation has taken which is further perpetrated by the media.  Sadly, our women have bought into it. Our ladies today do not know who they are. Unfortunately, they are victims and simultaneously the product of TV and the media without a personality to call their own or a sense of self. One would wonder if God didn’t create us with unique finger prints.

These ladies go on to form cliques of non-thinking individuals who further aspire to all the media says they should be.  In the chase to express superficial excess as opposed to inner wealth, they do all they can to keep up.

Herein comes the guy; our society produces boys not men, boys who know how to speak the language of shortcut and ladies who understand this language as well, and are more than receptive. Show me your champagne bottle and nice car and I’ll show you my ass and all things soft and nice. Today’s boys believe by all means money has to be made. Money brings the girls, the cars and the clothes. Our society has turned to one of clones. Once we were all bankers, then we went in to telecoms, diverted into ‘yahoo-yahoo’, now we all sell diesel and make music, yet we say ‘Nigeria is bad’, ‘Nigeria is terrible’ but does Nigeria stand a chance in the hands of our generation of clones?

Materialism is the killer of morality and morality is the oxygen of a healthy society. Without it we can’t breathe. Sadly once you get on the ‘follow- follow’ train it never stops – it’s all about who gets married first, what is his family name, how much does he make, have you had kids, do you have a son and it goes on and on.

Breathe my people, breathe. Chivalry is dead and the Nigerian woman watched it die. We as women control society; we are more than homemakers—WE MAKE SOCIETY. Let’s imagine if ladies in secondary school and university only dated the smart guys who spent their time in the library, it would be safe to say the library would overflow: A-students would triple and men in general would spend more time with their books in a bid to develop themselves internally, as opposed to external ‘bling’ to bait women as though they were trying to catch fish.

Ladies if we demanded class, decorum, humility, etiquette and politeness as a prerequisite to a liaison rather than outward riches, designer surnames and fast cars we might cease to go nowhere fast. Sadly on what basis can we make such demands? Aside from your long Brazilian hair, designer bags and red carpet looks, who are you. WHO ARE YOU??!!

To answer this question, life should be lived as a journey of self-discovery as opposed to a media determined fake reality. The knowledge of self, your true self will show you self-worth. Self-worth will support morals and morals will allow our society breathe again.

Breathe my people, breathe.