"I want painful... difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love."

After watching this episode of scandal it immediately sank in that some women really do not want normalcy. For them normalcy is boring and quite frankly, i can understand that. Women like olivia pope want a love that is very strong, pure and true. A love that is independent of societal norms or peoples perception. A love that is exciting, passionate, life changing, and probably unpredictable. I get that part. The only bit that confuses me is 'painful and devastating' love. Why would anyone want that? Love is not supposed to hurt. It isnt.



What would you do if you had the power, and career she had? Would you choose painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love? xoxo

Good Girl, Bad Girl

Does being a good girl mean anything in the world we live in today? This question has been ringing in my head for a very long time especially as it always seems the bad girls get it all. You know, the ones that cheat their way through life, the ones that are calculating and conniving, the ones that care less for morals or integrity, the ones that fake it, slander, lie, back stab, sleep around, hurt people, mean, uncouth.You get my point. It seems our world today is full of such people and all of a sudden being a good person seems like an alien concept.

I hear comments like 'oh dear, how come she is getting married when she was a proper baddie in school'..This seems to be the norm though. You know, bad girls get hitched quicker than good  girls. Perhaps its something to do with the skills she garnered whilst jumping from bed to bed? ...now she knows how to sweep a man off his feet. these things require skills you see. I think girls like this learn faster than the good ones..on what a man wants and how to please him...and what to do to get a man where she wants him. I dont have the answers to this but i find it very intriguing.

Men apparently want 'a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets'. I guess good girls are in trouble in this department unless of course there is a genetic predisposition to being freaky which i highly doubt (PhD thesis anyone?). Some men believe they can bring 'the freak' out of a woman..Well goodluck with that. I say if she hasnt had a lot of experiences then that might be a tough one and you may need A LOT of time and practice.

'A lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets'...errr...how exactly is this transition supposed to rapidly occur if the woman in question is a virgin or hasn't had a lot of sexual encounters? lets be realistic..you dont just go from Mary Magdalene to Madonna in one second. Sentences like this makes me believe that deep down, men do not want a good girl..They want a bad girl who pretends to be good. 

 How's that for a monday morning rant? Lol

All about the Clique

I have a hypothesis that i am willing to share. Like i have stated, it is a hypothesis which means its by no means a fact and so people need to bear that in mind before reading on. It is however something i believe in hence my opinion. Its about girls that are a part of a clique especially those that have been in a clique since secondary school. People that are in a clique do not often have a mind of their own. they spend their time thinking of what others think of them and their actions are often centred around doing things deemed acceptable by the clique.

The problem with being in a clique is it does not allow you have your own identity. You basically do things your other mates are doing except of course you are the queen bee, which means you set the rules for the other girls to follow. These kind of girls are clones of each other in so many ways. They have the same opinions, values, e.t.c When they are in a relationship with a boyfriend, its never dating one person but the whole crew. There is no privacy here as relationship advice (solicited /unsolicited)  come from her mates and a lot of the time she does what her friends tell her to do which may not always be a good thing. Sadly, this type of behaviour could carry on even in old age.

The bit that is very destructive is when envy or  jealousy kicks in which usually does. These girls bitch behind each others backs and majority of the time, these friendships are very pretentious. They know this but feel the need to stick with each other to face the world...which i think shines light on their insecurities. Having a successful relationship when you are very cliquey is a bit of a challenge..and when you manage to have one, it is often very difficult for the other party involved.

The interesting thing about all this is the competition. It never stops. The competition spans all facets of life..from university to the married home..from the choices of schools your kids/future kids attend to if/where you holiday in the summer. This type of pressure surely must be daunting. It would be interesting to do a lifetime analysis on these women to see how they fair.

This of course, doesnt mean that if a woman wasnt part of a clique that she will have an identity. But, more often, if a woman spends a lot of time with herself then theres a lot of time for reflection and all. if she decides to do things her own way and makes her own mistakes and learns from it, she is more likely to learn more about herself as oppose to if her judgement is clouded all the time by the constant chatter of her ever growing circle. Just a thought.

For the love of Antiques

I found a treasure trove today where old books are collected and given for free. I was very shocked to find out such stores exist but mega excited at the same time. The store is part of the healthy planet organisation. This organisation stores books that charity shops, libraries and publishers don't have space for. They give away these books for free to people in the community via nationwide stores. I bought the Grosvenor house antiques fair book showcasing antiques from as far back as the 15th century. Each page had me drooling and this is arguably the best freebie i've ever had. You can check out their website here and locate your nearest book store.

This is an awesome way to take care of our environment and i hope you pop by a local store sometime.

Bisous.

The English Nurse

I spent my whole day at the Hepatology Unit of the Royal free Hospital in Hampstead. If i had to rate hospitals in London this would be my best. There is something so different about this place..i cant seem to put a finger on it. I have been on numerous visits to what seems to be a million hospitals but i have never experienced the hard work the nurses do. I mean, i know what nurses do in theory but experiencing it today was a whole different thing. Nurses over here work so hard. They do all the dirty jobs doctors do not do and they are always so warm and pleasant whilst doing it.

The secondary care unit had a lot of patients who needed a lot of care and monitoring and quite frankly, i became exhausted just watching them do their job as its so demanding and challenging..but they did it with so much joy and a huge smile on their face all the time. I also cannot forget the burst of energy and sense of humour they all had. I think all nurses that work in secondary care units should be paid a lot of money and given bonuses for the amount of work they put it. My respect for nurses has tripled due to this experience and it is my hope that the general public give them the respect they deserve. In my opinion, they should be getting similar respect as some doctors do eg (GP's). Infact, i respect English nurses more than i do Nigerian doctors.  Id probably get a telling off for this but hey, after my experience today, this is my current standing.  All hail the English Nurse :)

The Research Rant

I question research a lot of times..or rather some peoples motives for being science researchers. Do they really want to change the world or is it just for professional gain/advancement? I am a scientist because i Love it. Simple. I am passionate about it thats why i do it. Do i need money? Yes..because thats the only means of survival..but will i do research for the money?..NO!...if i wanted to just make money i will be an investment banker by now..Probably working at the front office at JP Morgan...and trust me id fit right in. BUT for me, fulfilment is more important than a six figure salary. I don’t want to be 60 years old and end up feeling VOID. I want to build a legacy...i want to contribute my bit to the world..i want my Grandkids to say ‘Grand ma was an awesome Scientist’...i want my name to live on after i am gone. Thats fulfilment.

Why all this story?  From what ive experienced in my short life, a lot of research organisations that say they want to help Africa are not DOING ENOUGH. You don’t need an eyesight to see the gaping holes. A lot of people (mostly from the west), get nice paying jobs in an international organisation based somewhere in Africa. They Love it there.  They live both their European lifestyles and get the perks of being in Africa at the same time. What do i mean? They are paid loads of money, accommodation is cheap, food is great and cheap, they usually live in towns where other expatriates are so you will most definitely find lots of fine restaurants, bars, grocery stores, cinema, malls etc. At the same time they enjoy the wild life, hiking on mountains, swimming in hot springs, rural road trips and to top it all up, MAID SERVICE which includes cooking, cleaning, washing etc. A service they NEVER get in the west unless of course you are Blair Waldorf and live on the Upper East Side in Manhattan.

What i have seen is a lot of these people don’t IMMERSE themselves into the community they are meant to be carrying out ‘interventions’ on. How can you not immerse yourself in a community you are trying to help? How will you understand the problems the locals face if most of your time you are behind a desk on your laptop or having barbecues and going on hikes?

There is a HUGE DISCONNECT.

From what i have seen, its no wonder some of these interventions never work anyways. But who cares? Their governments will still raise funds for more research and they will be on to the next big African disease.  A lot don’t spend more than 1-2 years in one organisation; they hop from one African country to the next, building their CVs and publishing papers without actually building capacity. Now i know in some countries, ‘capacity building’ is just theoretical...it takes time and commitment from international organisation for this to actually happen. ..sadly...until i experience capacity building in Africa first hand...its still theoretical to me.  Maybe it does happen..but im not one to speak about what i have not experienced. Sure, i see people speak about doing this in papers but from my experience, i have not seen it YET.  I have seen it happening in Thailand...not anywhere in Africa. Seeing is believing...until then.