Why did i get married too?

I just watched Tyler Perry's 'why did i get married too' for like the 8th time and each time, i get very emotional. The movie highlights the fact that life is indeed too short to let little things get in the way of having a lovely life. The movie made me reflect on relationships these days and how people let ego, pride, impatience, lies, deceit, jealousy, greed e.t.c get in the way of truly finding happiness. I feel a lot of young people are honestly too impatient to even understand basic and fundamental concepts needed for a true, loving and lasting relationship. If you don't agree all you have to do is look at the current divorce rates..surely there has to be a problem, no?

There are so many reasons why people get married but whatever these reasons are, it should stand the test of time. If it does not, it will be tough to survive trials and tribulations which is a part of life everyone goes through. People get married for the wrong reasons and eventually, these reasons reflect in their relationships. One thing that is true though is the grass is not always greener on the other side.

If you haven't watched this movie i highly recommend it. Brilliant performance by all actors :)

Enjoy!

Please don't judge me

Please dont judge me

And i wont judge you

Cause it could get ugly

before it gets beautiful

27 Dresses

My friend is getting married and i am the Chief bridesmaid at her wedding. I have been carrying out bridesmaid duties this past month and its been very interesting. First i was super excited but now i need that hazelnut latte to keep me going because it is absolutely draining. While its fun watching my friend try on numerous wedding dresses in different cuts, style and fabric, its really tiring especially as none of those wonderful dresses end up being the 'one'. Apparently brides know its 'the one' when they try it on..my dear friend has not gotten that feeling yet. I am patiently waiting for her to get that 'aha' moment with a dress sometime soon as her wedding is fast approaching and the rule of thumb in England is to order a dress 6 months before the wedding. As always we are fashionably late lol. I am really looking forward to her picking 'the one' and cant wait to see the excitement on her lovely face.

A huge shout out to women that absolutely love planning weddings...i doubt id survive the 'picking a dress' stage. This stuff is rocket science for me definitely.

Getting Women into Science?

This Video by the EU commission was made to get more girls interested in science and pursue careers in science. The campaign is called 'Science: its a girl thing'.  After watching the video, i honestly feel the message they passed across just might piss off female scientists out there.  I also do not think it gives young girls an idea of the reality of science. It seemed more like a make up campaign or a fashion campaign of some sort. If i was a teenager i doubt this video would get my attention.The continuous use of colour pink might really piss me off as i hated pink as a child and i am very sure loads of other teens do too. I give the EU an 'A' for effort but the message passed on by this video was honestly a disaster.

Subfusc Inspired

Food Vs Anti-retroviral drugs

When i was carrying out field work in Swaziland this summer, i spoke to HIV positive patients who complained that the biggest challenge they face regarding their health status was being too poor to afford food ( read here). HIV patients need to have enough food in their system before taking Anti-retroviral drugs (ARV) you see. The issue is most cannot afford to feed themselves. They are either too sick to work or get fired from their jobs because of their health status. If there is no food in the system before the drugs are ingested, the side effects are VERY undesirable. Due to this, its common to find people skipping ARV medications even though they know they are putting their health at risk . In Swaziland, i heard patients sell their ARVs  to buy food but i never knew who they sold it to and what those people used ARVS for. I just found that out thanks to a report from Kenya.  HIV patients sell their ARVs for money to buy food...and those that buy it off them use it to make an alcoholic concoction mixed with formalin...and they sell this alcoholic concoction to unsuspecting customers. Watch the video below to see how its done. I wonder why HIV organisations do not have a food plan..or would that be asking for too much since they already provide free ARVs? the truth is if these people were not so poor there would be no need to sell their ARVS. In the end man will do whatever it takes to survive and this is one of those instances. This is yet another proof that Africa needs sustainable solutions to problems not quick fixes. Poverty alleviation should be the focal point of most organisations. Without that, every other initiative might not reach full potential.






Its very difficult to judge these women. It is survival of the fittest. This is what happens when man is subjected to harsh conditions. On a brighter note, they are very entrepreneurial and they do recycle.

Thai Tees

I miss Thailand. The best thing about shopping in bangkok is that you see a lot of young talents selling their stuff in markets, soi's and even malls. I miss buying t-shirts in Bkk..i am such a lover of  t-shirts and no city does them better than bangkok in my opinion. When i go back to bkk, i will be heading straight to soi 23 in siam sqaure. thats where i find pretty cool artistic tees that are very affordable. I do miss so many other things about Bkk but that would be story for another post :)

Until then, Camden town/Brick lane will do.

Mustard Love

The colour, not the sauce. I think it brightens up an outfit and gives it that extra umph in my opinion. I usually do not wear black and white but when i do, i always love a bit of colour. it is officially the end of summer in England, i cant really say i am sad about that though...i also love autumn :). More pictures when you continue..and less words :)

Scientific Racism: The Eugenics of Social Darwinism

I have always known that people will use whatever proof they have to justify their intent or actions. This is exactly the same feeling that came to me when i watched the documentary on social darwinism. I honestly was not surprised about all that was said in this video because from my undergraduate years in 'hereditary and gene' class (which was the basis of my interest in genetics), i always went out of my way to find more information...particularly concerning homo sapiens, and i always found out a lot.  I believe Eugenics is still practiced today in modern society and social darwinism is very much alive in different forms (for example, the population control debate that seems to always focus on Africa) just as capitalism is really just neo-colonialism. for me Eugenics is not so different from population control using methods such as contraceptives (this was forced sterilization decades ago). Just as Eugenics tries to control certain populations from reproducing and tries to promote desired traits to pass on in certain races/class etc.. (see racial hygiene) so is population control through contraceptives, by targeting mostly lower class/uneducated persons under the disguise of better livelihood on the micro level.

Florals and Prints

I find so much joy in clashing colours, patterns and prints. i am aware that there are certain rules on how to wear florals and prints but i think some rules are meant to be broken. I always wonder who sets all these rules anyway. The way i see it is, i dont think magazines and runways should dictate what i should wear, how i should wear it and how to pair whatever item of clothing. I love freedom of expression..its certainly no different with my clothes. No! i am not a rebel..i just don't fancy being a clone..except of course it has to do with genetic engineering then im all in hehe :)

Stone washed and ripped

I do love fashion but i honestly do not want to write exhaustive entries about what i am wearing and where they are from. i think pictures really need to do the talking considering the fact it does take some time to photograph, transfer to a laptop and upload on here lol. Anyway, like all things in life its either a hit or miss...hahaha..its not that serious really...fashion should be comfortable and fun..enjoy :)

On Friendships

It’s a fact that women have more complicated relationships with each other. Probably more complicated than they have with men...Probably. What i have come to understand in my time on earth is that the definition of friendships differs depending on the type of personality one is dealing with.

Some girls want to be friends with you solely based on what they can get from you or what you can do for them. I know people say its wise to choose your friends but if people choose friends based on what they can gain from them, is that really a good foundation to build a friendship on? It is also advised to surround yourself with people you can learn from/benefit from/become a better person around but since everyone’s idea of ‘becoming better’ differs, couldn’t this potentially invite exploitative personalities into your life?

For example girl A could choose her friends based on what she could gain socially, materially etc. To her, climbing the social ladder and wearing (borrowing) expensive things may be her own idea of becoming a better person. For girl B, choosing friends means choosing to surround herself with girls that are principled, intelligent, hardworking etc.  In both situations, both girls have chosen who they want to be associated with based on their idea of what friendship should be all about...does that make any of them wrong?

I try very hard not to judge people...but i personally have a SPECIFIC definition of friendship and unfortunately it does not include users and social climbers. In as much as i believe people should choose their friends, i don’t thinks its fair to get close to someone solely for the purpose of ‘gaining’ from them or exploiting them.  Friendship is a relationship that involves two people who individually have something to offer...it’s not a one way street where one party  keeps taking and never gives anything back in return.

Due to the fact that i have been exposed to users in the past, i am able to spot a user miles away....let’s just say my user-radar is super efficient.

The Art of Repackaging

The business of getting married is a very serious one. It is probably more serious than the Biafra war that took place in the late 60s.  The desperation to get married has definitely allowed a lot of young women express creative genes they never knew existed. This is sheer proof that humanity will do things to adapt to their environment and so this is not too far from Darwin’s theory of evolution. In Nigeria, this jungle is chaotic and its all about survival of the fittest in the race to get married. One of the creative expressions that always amuses me is the art of repackaging. I have a definition. Allow me:

The art of repackaging is an unspoken rule which states that a Nigerian woman who has had a very dodgy past, becomes this new creation solely by changing certain attributes on the exterior and pretends what is seen on the outside is also what is on the inside.

The characteristics of such a woman includes:

Withholding sex: Yes! She has spent most of her teenage and university years giving guys free milk and realised a lot of them didn’t want to buy the cow. So she decides to hold off sex with the guy she desperately wants to marry all because she wants him to think she is a good girl with principles. This usually never happens with men in the same circle. This woman is smart as she finds a new crowd to socialise in. Some women take it a step further by breaking all old ties and making new friends while some others drastically reduce association with old friends just so they save face. A lot of men always fall for this trick and why they do is a different story entirely.

Church/choir girl: lets face it, rebranding always works. Image has an effect in this world we live in. This is why even though we all know kim kardashian is a slut who got popular through a sex tape, she has become one of the most googled personalities in modern time. Why is this? Rebranding rebranding rebranding. She has been rebranded from sex video slut to a reality TV star. She shows us exactly what she wants us to think of her on her show and steps out in outfits that will be talked about and dates men that will always keep her relevant. What all this has done is slowly made people look at her more as a business woman/TV star/Fashionista/Model than a slut with a sex tape.

Yeah..this same analogy applies to the repackaged church girl. Soon you will all forget her philandering ways and go on about how she is a bible reading, tongues speaking , dedicated Christian youth leader.

Submissive:  she will let you think she is the most submissive woman in the world. She will cook, clean, never argue and hardly put up a fight, let you get away with things, never nag you etc. These women are smart and if they can fake an orgasm and make you believe it, heck!  They can fake just about anything.  

After she gets what she wants (marriage)..this woman will become her true self. Men always think women change after marriage. No mate, she didn’t change. Neither did she morph into this monster you see every day. She had always been that way.  She only ‘repackaged’ to get you where she wants you. Now if only you spent a lot of time deciphering her true personality. 

The Research Rant

I question research a lot of times..or rather some peoples motives for being science researchers. Do they really want to change the world or is it just for professional gain/advancement? I am a scientist because i Love it. Simple. I am passionate about it thats why i do it. Do i need money? Yes..because thats the only means of survival..but will i do research for the money?..NO!...if i wanted to just make money i will be an investment banker by now..Probably working at the front office at JP Morgan...and trust me id fit right in. BUT for me, fulfilment is more important than a six figure salary. I don’t want to be 60 years old and end up feeling VOID. I want to build a legacy...i want to contribute my bit to the world..i want my Grandkids to say ‘Grand ma was an awesome Scientist’...i want my name to live on after i am gone. Thats fulfilment.

Why all this story?  From what ive experienced in my short life, a lot of research organisations that say they want to help Africa are not DOING ENOUGH. You don’t need an eyesight to see the gaping holes. A lot of people (mostly from the west), get nice paying jobs in an international organisation based somewhere in Africa. They Love it there.  They live both their European lifestyles and get the perks of being in Africa at the same time. What do i mean? They are paid loads of money, accommodation is cheap, food is great and cheap, they usually live in towns where other expatriates are so you will most definitely find lots of fine restaurants, bars, grocery stores, cinema, malls etc. At the same time they enjoy the wild life, hiking on mountains, swimming in hot springs, rural road trips and to top it all up, MAID SERVICE which includes cooking, cleaning, washing etc. A service they NEVER get in the west unless of course you are Blair Waldorf and live on the Upper East Side in Manhattan.

What i have seen is a lot of these people don’t IMMERSE themselves into the community they are meant to be carrying out ‘interventions’ on. How can you not immerse yourself in a community you are trying to help? How will you understand the problems the locals face if most of your time you are behind a desk on your laptop or having barbecues and going on hikes?

There is a HUGE DISCONNECT.

From what i have seen, its no wonder some of these interventions never work anyways. But who cares? Their governments will still raise funds for more research and they will be on to the next big African disease.  A lot don’t spend more than 1-2 years in one organisation; they hop from one African country to the next, building their CVs and publishing papers without actually building capacity. Now i know in some countries, ‘capacity building’ is just theoretical...it takes time and commitment from international organisation for this to actually happen. ..sadly...until i experience capacity building in Africa first hand...its still theoretical to me.  Maybe it does happen..but im not one to speak about what i have not experienced. Sure, i see people speak about doing this in papers but from my experience, i have not seen it YET.  I have seen it happening in Thailand...not anywhere in Africa. Seeing is believing...until then.

About a Boy...an Australian Boy.

I am currently at the airport in Johannesburg from Manzini waiting for my flight back to London...Its a 5hr airport waiting time. I have already had an express massage (head shoulder back and foot) and i am currently having lunch at the News cafe. I ordered a chicken, bacon and mozzarella wrap which ended up being very dry and not so tasty. I also ordered a skinny latte which equally tasted like crap. I am very fussy about food so yes...that was a waste. Anyway the highlight of my News cafe experience was meeting an Australian woman. She sat opposite me...tall, lovely fashion sense, blonde and well toned. I could tell she works out a lot. Her stilettos were cute..i noticed it when she crossed her legs to use her pink ipad. This woman is probably in her late 30s or early 40s.  As i waited for what ended up being a horrible order, i saw her crying...awkward. So what do i say to a stranger sitting opposite  me with tears streaming down? At first i thought it must have been  man issues...i mean only men can make a grown woman cry in a public place.  I couldn’t just ignore her because as you will come to find, i am an absolutely caring individual. So i asked what the problem was. She told me she was a teacher and she just learnt from facebook that one of her students in Australia had been beaten  to death by a gang of men near a pub. This was unprovoked.

I rushed to her side to console this blonde stranger. She wasn’t expecting that and kept apologising if her tears made me feel uncomfortable. She told me he was 19, bright, young, and just got a scholarship to University. She taught him Maths, English and Science. She saw him everyday and got to know him because according to her, when kids are given assignments, they pour out their hearts and so you kind of know about them from what they write. I was very happy for her to cry on my shoulder and tell me about this young man who had his bright future taken away from him by a bunch of drunk men probably. She couldn’t understand how in a country thats so developed, a privileged young man got killed just like that. I thought to myself...he was just a victim ..in the wrong place at the wrong time. This got me thinking about TIMING and how peoples lives could change in a matter of seconds ..but thats a story for another day.

After the sad moments we got talking about what we do and where we were travelling to. She is a teacher thats carrying out research to change the education system in Australia...IMPRESSIVE. She said the current system is outdated and hasn’t evolved...that kids that can cram get more credit and this shouldn't be the case. She feels that students need to be graded based on creativity...not just regurgitation. I couldn’t agree more. She said the problems in the world keep getting more and more complicated and what we need are creative students that can think out of the box...not a bunch of zombies.  After this she spoke of her work in Rwanda and Tanzania and how every time she travels to any African country, she never wants to go back home. She misses her flights on purpose because she learns  a lot from Africans. She said she learns how to LOVE from Africans.  She expressed how in Europe people just walk around like zombies and have no family values or sense of togetherness and she finds its the opposite in Africa. She said she LEARNS a lot from Africans...not the other way round...she learns how to LOVE and how to be human

Immediately it hit me. This woman was like me.  She is not disconnected from the realities of this earth. She is a researcher who teaches and finds a way to balance her passion for research and the scary world out there. She doesn’t get carried away by grants, what funders want, or just getting published for the sake of it. She is PASSIONATE...thats what drives her...and she cares a lot for all her students...she told me she loved every single one..but as a teacher you cant tell them that directly because its wrong to do so ( i doubt anyone wants to be accused of ‘flirting with a student’).

The last thing she said to me was she finds it terribly difficult to go back home when she sees the poverty and suffering going on in Rwanda. I felt her pain. That moment i realized there are inhumane issues happening all over the world. That’s why an innocent and privileged 19yr old Australian boy can get killed a couple of blocks away from home.. and a Rwandan girl gets raped and gets HIV and a child which she ends up abandoning. There are issues everywhere in the world and it takes passionate people like this blonde lady to solve the problems. I think Career paths should be chosen by passion and not grades. if that was the case i feel the world we live in would be very different.

R.I.P Dear Australian Boy.